draw me a sheep!

I am down in the dumps, you guys :\ 

I got a B- for my midterm grade in drawing, which is pretty good for me actually but like. I have been trying really hard and I only missed class once and missed one homework assignment, I don't think I deserve a B-  but the teacher just grades really hard cause it's summer time or soemthing.  And fuckk I really need a grade that is super this quarter because you know. I am dying. And AUGH THIS CLASS IS SO EASY D:<<
Dang, school, cut me a break or something ):<<

I continue to be boggled by how much brains it takes just to stay on top of absolutely everything, much less try your best on everything and win at it all. Maybe I'm just really lazy or really really stupid, but it just seems like so much to do to get to all the classes everyday, on time and with all  your homework, along with COOKING IVE NEVER COOKED SO MUCH FOR MYSELF BEFORE, APARTMENT LIFE IS WEIRD, on top of comicking, which  I am trying to do regularly bc not doing it makes me feel like a bum (I need to be good at something, if not getting good grades :C).
 I'm sure I'll get used to it if I keep at it, but man, nowadays it just seems like whatever I do or how hard I try, I'll always be having like a C average or something.   I think I might be the only person I know who gets such horrendous grades, which is really annoying. I think it's part of the reason why everyone assumes I am a moron.

AT ANY RAATEEE, I WILL TRY HARDERRR. I also think that if I stop talking to absolutely everyone, I can hit a nice comicking pace so uhhhh hh uuuhhhhh uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh

I BET IF I COULD MAJOR IN COMICS, I WOULD STILL BE AT A C AVERAGE ):<<

anyway, keep your eyes seahat-ward, if you are interested in such things, I will be art-dumping soon.

I still am having trouble sleeping. It has.. I mean I'm not keeping ultra-track of what nights I am sleeping and what nights I am not, but all I can figure is that I have not had at least three nights in a row of good sleepies since before finals last quarter so uhh what is that.
Um. lol, more weeks than I care to count.
My eyebags are never going to go away, I am never going to find love.

I can't even figure like, wwhat is causing it. >:C At first I thought it was stress, but after going through a week of now school and. NOW, when my loans and absolutely everything has figured itself out and all I really have to worry about is Beginning Drawing (for monkeys), writing really short essays, and Bulys, PFF.

I would like my weird insomnia to be fixed already. It is not even the cool kind where I can stay up all night and make tortured drawings of the nightmares that haunt me or go out shooting criminals and hunting down those dogs that killed my father, all it does is make me more tired in the mornings and like, generally not give a shit. I can't believe it's lasted this long.


I have started taking the bus lately, since the temperature has risen to liiike over 105 degrees usually lol which is terrifying. I think I put a good effort at biking everyday, didn't I?? Two whole weeks, that is sassy. 

i just ffiNNISHED HAVEMERCYYY


IMMMMGONNA FANART SO HARD

i have been doing quite while. I'm behind on my reading, but what else is new? I'm caught up on drawing though, which is something entirely different and collll col coll.  My teacher like. asked if

I just caught sight of myself in the mirror and oh my god what the fucking fuck, i have such eyebags. I don't know if it's just the lighting or what, but holy hell look at this, I am liek CREEPING MYSELF OUT I LOOK LIKE A GHOST. WTHHH

I guess it's cause my sleep schedule never really recovered from that bout of insomnia i had at the beginning of summer but STILL WHUTTT. they are like all the way dow nto my eewww cheekbones eeewww aauugh i look like a corpse

OKAY. IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY THE BATHROOM MIRROR AND HANNAH, I AM A CORPSE. my mom noted my eyebags too but i ignored it because she always is looking for an excuse to tell me to sleep at 7:30pm.

gosh, this is nutty. i am not concerned with my appearance (eyebags are in anyway) as much as I am concerned with the fact that i am obv not getting enough sleep. My poor body, what am I doing to you?   HOW DOES ONE GET TO SLEEP?!?!?

Uhh. My teacher laughed at me yesterday, lololol :CC

We have this big sketchbookhat we are supposed to fill by the end of si weeks so I asked her if she wanted front and back pages (which is the difference between like. 80 and 160) and she just laaughed and laughed and I couldn't figure out for the longest time if she was laughing cause it was obviously 80 or obviously 160. Until finally it occured to me that she was laughing because I asked at all ._.  How could I assume that she'd have the time to even care if it was front or back, I guess.

lololol she laughed a lot and didn't even answer, she wandered away and the TA had to tell me. REALLY THOUGH, SHE'S A NICE LADY.
Shekeeps. lol you guys are going to think I'm a snob for saying this, but she keeps picking my drawings to show everybody as an example and it makes me really uncomfortable ):: This is completely irrational, but I feel like everyone in the class wants to beat me up after school.
It's not even like an ego boost, just cause. I mean it's a beginning drawing class. A monkey could pass Beginning Drawing >:C And she did, her name is Peahat and she passed it FOUR YEARS AGO.

ITS AN EASY A THOUGH, which is what I need right now.

ANYWAY, I HAVE BEEN SKETCHING NONSTOP TO FILL MY 80 OR 160 PAGES, IT IS QUITE FUN. Only some of them are my animu arts (a bunch are contour line drawings BORING or landscapes BORIIINNGG or really scribbly stuff KINDA FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY BORING) so I just scanned in stuff you guys would maybe care about.

HERE: seahat CAUSE I HAVE AN ARTJURNAL NOW, REMEMBER?!??!? I am still doubting the functionality of this a little, but we will see after a few entrieeees



p.s. if idont get havemercy today i am going to beat my head in

the way my schedule is worked out right now is like. i am pretty much at school for five hours a day, four days a week,just drawing arting drawing arting. with like lunchbreak and stuff. Its liiiike highschool againnn only art onlyyy

I want to say that it sounds fun, but. knowing my brains  and LIFE, it will probably get really old really fast and i will cry.

todayy. is the first day since a very, very, very, very, very long time ago that I have gotten absolutely every single piece of homework done (drawings, all drawings)
now if only i could sleep at a not stupid time >:(

i feel like i am maybe learning to take care of myself really fast all of the sudden. i am doing homework, look. i am keeping cleean, i am feeding myself. I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING WHAAAT I even. accidentally budgeted i was trying to figure out how much money i could spend on groceries and still be alive.

I wonder what it was about the dorms that made me feel soo oo stuck in place? :00

lollllllllll I wen to the bookstore to et textbooks like a good girl and came out with comicbooks instead :C WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN??? I even already read one of them before wtf.

srs though. I would recommend The Metamorphosis by Peter Kuper to the goddamn moon. err. Adapted to comicstuff by Peter Kuper, anyway. Such creative panelling :<< Page 42 had me reading in all crazy directions and I didn't even realize it til the end. And godddd he fills up all the space with black a nd white and scritch scratch  IT'S JUST A NICE CONTRAST from you know like. What I usually read. Which is smackjeeves. BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS FEFY

My new apartmentmate is incredible. I was lol really intimidated at first cause she GRADUATED PHYSICS AND IS GOING TO HARVARD WTF but she baked us cookies this morning!!! And she's like halfway through the Harry Potter series and is all completely obsessed lol aww aw SO GOOD

btwwww

seahat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've decided to make an art journal. Errr whoever said this was right, lol, if it doesn't work out, I could always just quit it. So keep your eye on it, I'll be art dumping quuiiiite soon!

also. NANO IS KICKING MY BUTT SO COMPLETELY. I have a list of excuses for why but really nobody likes to hear excuses, so. All I know is I hafta write at least 3500 a day just to keep up. I'm worried about how that'll go with my summer classes but. WHATEVER, I AM KING OF WRITING LOADS OF GARBAGE (not really). My novel is spread across like five different documents right now, bu if I had to guess, I hink I am around. 5,000 words lol pitiful. IT'S OKAY THOUGH.
I HAVE TIL UH. letsee, the 7th of July? Or he 8th? or the 6th? who knows, I'll hafta ask Netshoe

WOAHHH so obv i dont usually do memes because as hard as i try, i always ALWAYS give up, but since like 98% of mylonaj did this i feel DOUBLE COMPELLED.
HERE GOES, LET'S HOPE I CAN DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? Since when?" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.



HAY THAT WASN'T HARD AT ALL, AWESOMMEMMMMMMEE

My family is having one of their family discussions today (read: thing without order or mediating during which everybody gangs up on one person) and it is going to be about me this time, so. Unngh.

Fully expect today to be the last day any of you ever see me :[   At least it is a wonderful beach-filled last day.

p.s. lol i accidentally changed my layout :C I am having sort of a like/dislike relationship with it, but don't feel like going and changing it

I haaavve been having insomnia lately which  is really, really, really, really not as cool as people make it out to be. Look how fucking late/early I am up :[  This is the third day in a row that I haven' been able to sleep before 4:30am, the other days I was up til 7. WHO KNOWS WHY. This is getting old, Body, go to sleeeep ugghh

While I'm up anyway, I'm looking up bento lunch stufff. It looks cool, okay and cute and gosh, even if I still can't figure out the difference between obento and bento I can dig the idea of a tiny box filled with food soo oso uauauuhhf uhhhh.
I want to practice on my mom. I think she needs like. uhh. no okay actually , I wanna talk about something else

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH ALL MY STUFF!?!?!???!??!?!?!?  I really want to sell all of it, but either it will be too cheap to be worth it (books) or I still want to use it while I am young and beautiful (clothes). i will probably end up trying to sell my books anyway because something is something, and urgh. Maybe I will sell at least one of my petticoats, even if I love them more than even makes sense. I am such a frivolous young girl, I don't even have any place to wear the stupid things. >:c


I think I might just stay up forever and then pass out at a reasonable time tonight. I always get so tired around sunrise, though. mmrmrmmmmm mm mmmmmm Bodyyy stop picking on meeee

P.S. the more I think about making an art journal, the more conflicted I become. I always go off on tangents when I do stuff, and I dont wanna end up having to pull apart entries just to make sure all the right stuff goes here and there, who even cares. But at the same time, LOOK AT THIS ENTRY. NOT A SINGLE PIECE OF ART. WHO CARES, FEFY, WHO CARES.
lol this is not even very import- OH BTW I HAVE A NEW TABLET. IT'S BEAUTIFULLLL SO GOOOOOD SO GOOOOOD I REALLY WANNA RUB MY FACE ALL OVER IT BUT LOL I AM UNWASHED RIGHT NOW. GROSS.

I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA lol not really, i ahve like one week before mfin summer sch- OH THAT REMINDS ME I HAFTA EMAI UHUHHHH

I am going to do my best to get tablet tomorrow. I am so excited for paper texture.  Where is Yuliya, yuliya, where are youuuu yuliyaaaa

My commissions make me feel sassy. Also, also, umm mm B PPHRFFFF ticky gave me the idea to do an art journal so I THINK I WILL DO THAT. then i wont feel sobad about posting no arts, because anyone who only cares about art and not fefydrama can go watch that one instead.

only... gosh, not that i think of it, what have i even been talking about lately that doesn't have to do with arts?!?!? >:\
hold onn, i needa look over my entries and think about this nonsense

I DIDN'T WANT HAM I WANTED TURKEYYYYY


I AM SO DISPLEASED >:CCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

WOAHHhhh
I totally do not even have as much money as I thought I did.


Errrp. I maybe have to use all the commission money on stuff that is not tablet :C 
it's okay though, I kinda totally deserve it.

OR MAYBE I'LL SELL EVERYTHING I OWN, I have more stuff than is even practical to have, when I will be moving like an average of 4 times in the next 4 years, and I don't even have a bedroom at home >:C  All my stuff's like lying around in the den/garage/room my dad built.

Goshhh WHAT SHOULD I DO GUYS WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOO maybe I'll sell my bodyyyy shhhh

MAN, WHEN I GET TABLET RIGHTS BACK, MY ARTS WILL PUNCH YOU ALL IN THE FACE, THEY'LL BE SO GOOD.

I'M GONNA DO TEN THOUSAND OEKAKIS. NO, TEN MILLION.
TEN TRILLION.

JUST YOU WAIT, INTERNET.


speaking of, does anybody have an oekaki they wanna recommend me to? :\   As long as it allows STUFF, I do not care, I don't think I even care if it's dead or not.
I've been eying fearsome, but there's some dong that keeps posting really tactless, critical comments which makes it seem like everyone posts tactless, critical comments and gosh you guys, my ego is so frail.

Also they're, you know, super ultra advanced. THOUGH THEY DON'T MAKE YOU TRY OUT, WHICH IS KOOL. These entries always turn out so much longer than I mean, all I wanted  to tell you guys was that my arts was gonna punch you in the face.

LOL WHY ISN'T ANYBODY ONLINE SO I CAN SQUEE ABOUT THISSSSS SOMEONE JUST LEFT ME A SERIES OF THE NICEST COMMENTS EVER ON ONE OF MY COMICS AND I AM READY TO DIE AND THEN PEE AND THEN DIE.

Jamgry is no more, btw, as you guys prolly maybe already know ): Posting my Jamgry goodbye (FINALLY, i found out i was stopping like weeks ago but I was pretending lol) and the first page of Bulys has been really good, though! Bulys is getting a lot of love, and it's motivating me to get the next few pages done so people will actually have a reason to lovvvve lololololll Gosh, everyone is so nice, I don't even understand.

ALSOOooo
here are some arts, since it's been a while

I haaaave been reading that Stephen King On Writing book for fun lately which is lol hilariously embarrassing but oh well. I may have jumped the gun a little with my rant before.
..No, not really. Your pyramid and muses are still stupid, Stephen King >:C

but I'm finding that if  I like. read in random order and only one or two parts a day, I can tolerate his constant use of extended metaphors. and his... sex.. talk.. *shudder*  And some of what he's saying is good stuff. He  agrees with Daniel Handler about how description should be handled, which gives him ten thousand  cool points because  Daniel Handler is king of the land (lol and king of the fairies, he signed my book Oberon,  King of the Fairies I LOVE DANIEL HANDLER OMGGggg I own absolutely everything that has to do with him except for the Basic Eight, which he said himself  was not that great anyway, and the 2005 Unfortunate Series Calendar. LONG LIVE LEMONY SNICKETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT)

He also articulated the whole NO PLOT ALLOWED doctrine of Nano better than I ever could (I just think it's boring to write a story over when I already know what's gonna happen >:C it's like inking, I hate inking I ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE), so have this tidbit, you guys who are possibly doing summerNano with me:
"I distrust plot for two reasons: first, because our lives are largely plotless, even when you add in all our reasonable precautions and careful planning; and second, because I believe plotting and the spontaneity of real creation aren't compatible." (pg. 163, if anyone cares)

Good show, Steveypevey, very good show.

..I HAD A DREAM ABOUT LEMONY SNICKET LAST NIGHT, SPEAKING OF, I dreamt I went to the store and discovered that there was a 14th Lemony Snicket book that starred John Locke from Lost for some reason but IT WAS TOO LATE THEY WERE ALL SOLD OUT OF THE HARDCOVER VERSION AND I HAD TO GET HARDCOVER SO IT WOULD MATCH MY COLLECTION. I found  one last copy, but my grampa came out of nowhere and tore it in half. 
I was more upset about this portion of the dream than this other portion, when some guy raped me and then began roasting marshmellows in the middle of my room.

I just got back from the critique of my second story, which went waayy better than I expect. The critique went better, I mean.
I will forever until the end of time use my buttsex characters in stories I have to write for class, because hearing a whole bunch of people talking about them irl filled me with SO MANY GIGGLES.

"Why did [Merky] think it was an earthquake, again?"
"...Cause he's stupid?"

ehehehhehehhehHEHHEHH
Here is the  story under an LJ cut. It is strange for me to be talking about it when not even a single one of you (except Natasha. uhh. double one of you?!?!?!) has even read it. Even if not very many of you are probably going to read this entire entry anyway.
 I am not feeling shy about sharing for some reason either, even though it is a first draft and stupid.

Hearing Merky's name out loud was reeeeeally weeeird. So was hearing Nigel's name, even, and Nigel is not even a weird name like Merky. Everyone really seemed to like him, though, which was  a pleasant surprise. I was expecting people to be annoyed with how much he swore and/or said 'dude.'

They didn't like the ending. :C neither did I. They gave me a bunch of tips on how to fix it though, so I'll be working on this story some more. maybe. MOST LIKELY. MAYBE. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT MAKING IT A NOVELLLLLL OOUUUU
I've been thinking about writing another novel this summer anyway, just to take up more of my time and also so I can say I've written two novels. And cause I wanna actually revise a novel anddd ssstuff.

Would anyone be interested in doing a summer Nanowrimo sort of thing with me? :000 000

COOOOOOOOOL.
What I am learning about critiques lately is that they do not actually need to be as terrifying as they are to me. Most of the flaws people pick up on are ones that I had spotted myself and just wasn't sure of how to fix it, or parts that writing it was really awkward and I needed help on it anyway (lol my fucking grammar in this sentence). People are not as horrendously tactless about pointing things out as I always expect them to be, either. 
I think what I'm saying iiisss that I buuuuu. May actually like critiques after all C:

HAY HAY GUYS IM HOME RIGHT NOW AND IM USING MY DESKTOP COMPUTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SEVENTY BILION YEARS. MY MOM GOT A BIG FLATSCREEN THING THAT'S BIGGER THAN MY TORSO, PRETTY FUCKIN COOL. ORRRR IT WOULD BE, ANYWAY, IF I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO NOT MAKE IT ALL STRETCHY AND WEIRD >:C

I'M IN FOR AN ACTION PACKED WEEKEND WUUWUBUBBBBBB. THERE ARE A FEW SAD THINGS REGARDING JAMGRY AND OTHER STUFF THAT I WILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL EVENTUALLY I GUESS BUT FOR NOW I UHH I AM UUHHHHHHHH YYYYYYEEEPP LLOLOL. WOOOO

I dunno if I ever told you guys but my mom like. Rented my room out to some student from Taiwan while I was away and now I don't really know where I'm supposed to go when I come back for real in like two weeks ):  I suspect I will be sleeping in my sister's office in her house, but... where will all my clothes go? D:  I suppose it will just be one of life's biggest mysteries.

Maybe there shall be more later, who knows. This computer is reallly slow ):

YAYAYYAYAYAYYYYYY MY COLLEGE MOVIE CHANNEL THING IS SHOWING SWEENEY TODD
I was just thinking today about how I never got to see the By The Sea scene cause I hadda go pee so bad during the movie ):

Things are going really well. I went stupid during a shopping trip yesterday, as some of you may already know. I will most definitely be posting pictures of the glorious things I have purchased, specially since I might end up selling few of the things I bought to make up for being stupid eeoooeoeoergh

Everyone go see Prince Caspian right now. Right now. Right now. Caspian is checking Peter out the entire time I SWEAR I'M NOT LYING even my non-slashing little cousin saw it!! Though she did start to look at me wierd when I raved about it a little too long :C

I am now about to start writing probably the dumbest piece of fiction of my life, wish me l- no this is a lie. The other day, I suddenly remembered a story I wrote back when I was like 14 and still thought I was a lesbian, it was about like when my brother bought this poster of girls kissing and my mom threw a fit and oohh poor feffyyyy poor fefy what a victim you arrrrree a buuu bubuuuuu wasn't even your poster
This actually makes me feel a lot better. No matter what I write, it will at least be better than my autobiographical pieces of old, in which I was ALWAYS A VICTIM, ALWAYS ALWAYS A VICTIM. I don't regret writing them, though, at least I was writing.

Oh, Mrs. Lovett, you are not a very good  saleswoman. Worst pies indeed.