draw me a sheep!

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:53:53 GMT

I am down in the dumps, you guys :\

I got a B- for my midterm grade in drawing, which is pretty good for me actually but like. I have been trying really hard and I only missed class once and missed one homework assignment, I don't think I deserve a B- but the teacher just grades really hard cause it's summer time or soemthing. And fuckk I really need a grade that is super this quarter because you know. I am dying. And AUGH THIS CLASS IS SO EASY D:<<
Dang, school, cut me a break or something ):<<

I continue to be boggled by how much brains it takes just to stay on top of absolutely everything, much less try your best on everything and win at it all. Maybe I'm just really lazy or really really stupid, but it just seems like so much to do to get to all the classes everyday, on time and with all your homework, along with COOKING IVE NEVER COOKED SO MUCH FOR MYSELF BEFORE, APARTMENT LIFE IS WEIRD, on top of comicking, which I am trying to do regularly bc not doing it makes me feel like a bum (I need to be good at something, if not getting good grades :C).
I'm sure I'll get used to it if I keep at it, but man, nowadays it just seems like whatever I do or how hard I try, I'll always be having like a C average or something. I think I might be the only person I know who gets such horrendous grades, which is really annoying. I think it's part of the reason why everyone assumes I am a moron.

AT ANY RAATEEE, I WILL TRY HARDERRR. I also think that if I stop talking to absolutely everyone, I can hit a nice comicking pace so uhhhh hh uuuhhhhh uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh

I BET IF I COULD MAJOR IN COMICS, I WOULD STILL BE AT A C AVERAGE ):<<

anyway, keep your eyes seahat-ward, if you are interested in such things, I will be art-dumping soon.

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:44:29 GMT

I still am having trouble sleeping. It has.. I mean I'm not keeping ultra-track of what nights I am sleeping and what nights I am not, but all I can figure is that I have not had at least three nights in a row of good sleepies since before finals last quarter so uhh what is that.
Um. lol, more weeks than I care to count.
My eyebags are never going to go away, I am never going to find love.

I can't even figure like, wwhat is causing it. >:C At first I thought it was stress, but after going through a week of now school and. NOW, when my loans and absolutely everything has figured itself out and all I really have to worry about is Beginning Drawing (for monkeys), writing really short essays, and Bulys, PFF.

I would like my weird insomnia to be fixed already. It is not even the cool kind where I can stay up all night and make tortured drawings of the nightmares that haunt me or go out shooting criminals and hunting down those dogs that killed my father, all it does is make me more tired in the mornings and like, generally not give a shit. I can't believe it's lasted this long.

I have started taking the bus lately, since the temperature has risen to liiike over 105 degrees usually lol which is terrifying. I think I put a good effort at biking everyday, didn't I?? Two whole weeks, that is sassy.

@__@

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 09:57:37 GMT

i just ffiNNISHED HAVEMERCYYY

IMMMMGONNA FANART SO HARD

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:21:32 GMT

i have been doing quite while. I'm behind on my reading, but what else is new? I'm caught up on drawing though, which is something entirely different and collll col coll. My teacher like. asked if

I just caught sight of myself in the mirror and oh my god what the fucking fuck, i have such eyebags. I don't know if it's just the lighting or what, but holy hell look at this, I am liek CREEPING MYSELF OUT I LOOK LIKE A GHOST. WTHHH

I guess it's cause my sleep schedule never really recovered from that bout of insomnia i had at the beginning of summer but STILL WHUTTT. they are like all the way dow nto my eewww cheekbones eeewww aauugh i look like a corpse

OKAY. IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY THE BATHROOM MIRROR AND HANNAH, I AM A CORPSE. my mom noted my eyebags too but i ignored it because she always is looking for an excuse to tell me to sleep at 7:30pm.

gosh, this is nutty. i am not concerned with my appearance (eyebags are in anyway) as much as I am concerned with the fact that i am obv not getting enough sleep. My poor body, what am I doing to you? HOW DOES ONE GET TO SLEEP?!?!?

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:49:45 GMT

Uhh. My teacher laughed at me yesterday, lololol :CC

We have this big sketchbookhat we are supposed to fill by the end of si weeks so I asked her if she wanted front and back pages (which is the difference between like. 80 and 160) and she just laaughed and laughed and I couldn't figure out for the longest time if she was laughing cause it was obviously 80 or obviously 160. Until finally it occured to me that she was laughing because I asked at all ._. How could I assume that she'd have the time to even care if it was front or back, I guess.

lololol she laughed a lot and didn't even answer, she wandered away and the TA had to tell me. REALLY THOUGH, SHE'S A NICE LADY.
Shekeeps. lol you guys are going to think I'm a snob for saying this, but she keeps picking my drawings to show everybody as an example and it makes me really uncomfortable ):: This is completely irrational, but I feel like everyone in the class wants to beat me up after school.
It's not even like an ego boost, just cause. I mean it's a beginning drawing class. A monkey could pass Beginning Drawing >:C And she did, her name is Peahat and she passed it FOUR YEARS AGO.

ITS AN EASY A THOUGH, which is what I need right now.

ANYWAY, I HAVE BEEN SKETCHING NONSTOP TO FILL MY 80 OR 160 PAGES, IT IS QUITE FUN. Only some of them are my animu arts (a bunch are contour line drawings BORING or landscapes BORIIINNGG or really scribbly stuff KINDA FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY BORING) so I just scanned in stuff you guys would maybe care about.

HERE: seahat CAUSE I HAVE AN ARTJURNAL NOW, REMEMBER?!??!? I am still doubting the functionality of this a little, but we will see after a few entrieeees

p.s. if idont get havemercy today i am going to beat my head in

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 08:30:53 GMT

the way my schedule is worked out right now is like. i am pretty much at school for five hours a day, four days a week,just drawing arting drawing arting. with like lunchbreak and stuff. Its liiiike highschool againnn only art onlyyy

I want to say that it sounds fun, but. knowing my brains and LIFE, it will probably get really old really fast and i will cry.

todayy. is the first day since a very, very, very, very, very long time ago that I have gotten absolutely every single piece of homework done (drawings, all drawings)
now if only i could sleep at a not stupid time >:(

i feel like i am maybe learning to take care of myself really fast all of the sudden. i am doing homework, look. i am keeping cleean, i am feeding myself. I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING WHAAAT I even. accidentally budgeted i was trying to figure out how much money i could spend on groceries and still be alive.

I wonder what it was about the dorms that made me feel soo oo stuck in place? :00

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 22:09:16 GMT

lollllllllll I wen to the bookstore to et textbooks like a good girl and came out with comicbooks instead :C WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN??? I even already read one of them before wtf.

srs though. I would recommend The Metamorphosis by Peter Kuper to the goddamn moon. err. Adapted to comicstuff by Peter Kuper, anyway. Such creative panelling :<< Page 42 had me reading in all crazy directions and I didn't even realize it til the end. And godddd he fills up all the space with black a nd white and scritch scratch IT'S JUST A NICE CONTRAST from you know like. What I usually read. Which is smackjeeves. BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS FEFY

My new apartmentmate is incredible. I was lol really intimidated at first cause she GRADUATED PHYSICS AND IS GOING TO HARVARD WTF but she baked us cookies this morning!!! And she's like halfway through the Harry Potter series and is all completely obsessed lol aww aw SO GOOD

btwwww

seahat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've decided to make an art journal. Errr whoever said this was right, lol, if it doesn't work out, I could always just quit it. So keep your eye on it, I'll be art dumping quuiiiite soon!

also. NANO IS KICKING MY BUTT SO COMPLETELY. I have a list of excuses for why but really nobody likes to hear excuses, so. All I know is I hafta write at least 3500 a day just to keep up. I'm worried about how that'll go with my summer classes but. WHATEVER, I AM KING OF WRITING LOADS OF GARBAGE (not really). My novel is spread across like five different documents right now, bu if I had to guess, I hink I am around. 5,000 words lol pitiful. IT'S OKAY THOUGH.
I HAVE TIL UH. letsee, the 7th of July? Or he 8th? or the 6th? who knows, I'll hafta ask Netshoe

YOMM

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 08:00:23 GMT

WOAHHH so obv i dont usually do memes because as hard as i try, i always ALWAYS give up, but since like 98% of mylonaj did this i feel DOUBLE COMPELLED.
HERE GOES, LET'S HOPE I CAN DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? Since when?" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

1. Name
ouu hh uh. i dont want to tell my real one, because i am paranoid of my family googling me and discovering all the gay, even though i am pretty sure people have written it around anyway. uuhhhh OH ALRIGHT FINE nekolat

FEFY
PEAHAT

2. Age
18 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. Location
HYRULE FIELD LOL shut up fefy
Bay Area, California
SKOOL: Davis, California

4. Occupation
NOTHINNGG :CC GODDDDD
student. wiener.

5. Partner
huh
I MAKE KOMEKS WETH NETSHOE

6. Kids
whhh I HAVE THREE NIECE/NEPHEWS!!!! they are just learning to talk, it is absurd. One of them is like a fuckin monkey, he can climb into a high chair all by himself in like -.02 seconds. he's like what, 20 months? HE USES HIS FACE LIKE HE USES A HAND, SO IT'S LIKE HE HAS. THREE HANDS

7. Brothers/Sisters
i wonder if i should. uhh. WHAT IF THEY GOOGLE THEMSALVES :CCC
lol more bulyspeek IN ORDER OF OLD2YOUNG
NEEL(M, 31) , NENAT(F, 30), NEENEE (F, 25), NEKAUR (M, 24), NEKOLAT (F, 18 (ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!))
Two of them are old, and grew up in the Philippines so that they treat me weird. It is kind of like having four parents instead of two.

8. Pets
:\ My rattiwuts are all deceased.
I have a big stupid cat named Loki. dumb.
i think i might have a slight addiction to rodents though because all i can think about lately are hamsters. and how easy it would be to hide one in my closet. hamsters. good hamsters.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life
1. comics
2. comics
3. i draw comics
4. comicworks is 61% downloaded
5. I AM SITTIN IN MY VERY FIRST APARTMENT-WITHOUT-FAMILY RIGHT NOW omgggggggggggg. it is not quite as scary as i thought it would be, but. well, i guess we'll just have to see, i've only lived here for about uhh ff TEN HOURS?!?!
6. OH DUH I am working on a comic about schoolbullies (with netshoe). I am being quite serious about it. or, at least, more serious than i usually am with these kinds of things. I'm very excited about iiiit it is pretty much all i think about or draw for ever ever. It is the reason i spell everything wrong and have bad grammar all the time llolol SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT THINK IT IS AS HILARIOUS AS NETSHOE AND I THINK IT IS

10. What did you go to school for?
to even the numbers, lololol. i am not a rich white male, so TO COLLEGE I GO >:CCC FIRST GENERATION KOLEJ STODANT YAAAAAAA LOL this is a dumb reason. i am an AVID fangirl if there ever was one

11. Parents
I am always kind of sad for them ): I give them a lot of grief, just because. not only is there a humongous age gap, there is also a humongous cultural disconnect. But I love them and I know they love me, so things will always work out :)

12. Close Friends
MYLONAJ DUHHHHHHHHHHHH MYLONAJ FOREVERRR (Marisa, Yuliya, Oaggin(hannahhh), NEKOLAT, Alina, James) also, Erikmaa.

ALSO NETSHOE AD TEYLUR AD VUUUUVUU AD ENYOEN HOO HEV EVUR REED A KOMEK BYE PEEHAAAAAT YES YOU I AM TALKING TO YOU

HAY THAT WASN'T HARD AT ALL, AWESOMMEMMMMMMEE

uhhh kayyyy

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:39:25 GMT

My family is having one of their family discussions today (read: thing without order or mediating during which everybody gangs up on one person) and it is going to be about me this time, so. Unngh.

Fully expect today to be the last day any of you ever see me :[ At least it is a wonderful beach-filled last day.

p.s. lol i accidentally changed my layout :C I am having sort of a like/dislike relationship with it, but don't feel like going and changing it

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:56:10 GMT

I haaavve been having insomnia lately which is really, really, really, really not as cool as people make it out to be. Look how fucking late/early I am up :[ This is the third day in a row that I haven' been able to sleep before 4:30am, the other days I was up til 7. WHO KNOWS WHY. This is getting old, Body, go to sleeeep ugghh

While I'm up anyway, I'm looking up bento lunch stufff. It looks cool, okay and cute and gosh, even if I still can't figure out the difference between obento and bento I can dig the idea of a tiny box filled with food soo oso uauauuhhf uhhhh.
I want to practice on my mom. I think she needs like. uhh. no okay actually , I wanna talk about something else

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH ALL MY STUFF!?!?!???!??!?!?!? I really want to sell all of it, but either it will be too cheap to be worth it (books) or I still want to use it while I am young and beautiful (clothes). i will probably end up trying to sell my books anyway because something is something, and urgh. Maybe I will sell at least one of my petticoats, even if I love them more than even makes sense. I am such a frivolous young girl, I don't even have any place to wear the stupid things. >:c

I think I might just stay up forever and then pass out at a reasonable time tonight. I always get so tired around sunrise, though. mmrmrmmmmm mm mmmmmm Bodyyy stop picking on meeee

P.S. the more I think about making an art journal, the more conflicted I become. I always go off on tangents when I do stuff, and I dont wanna end up having to pull apart entries just to make sure all the right stuff goes here and there, who even cares. But at the same time, LOOK AT THIS ENTRY. NOT A SINGLE PIECE OF ART. WHO CARES, FEFY, WHO CARES.
lol this is not even very import- OH BTW I HAVE A NEW TABLET. IT'S BEAUTIFULLLL SO GOOOOOD SO GOOOOOD I REALLY WANNA RUB MY FACE ALL OVER IT BUT LOL I AM UNWASHED RIGHT NOW. GROSS.

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 07:37:55 GMT

I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA lol not really, i ahve like one week before mfin summer sch- OH THAT REMINDS ME I HAFTA EMAI UHUHHHH

I am going to do my best to get tablet tomorrow. I am so excited for paper texture. Where is Yuliya, yuliya, where are youuuu yuliyaaaa

My commissions make me feel sassy. Also, also, umm mm B PPHRFFFF ticky gave me the idea to do an art journal so I THINK I WILL DO THAT. then i wont feel sobad about posting no arts, because anyone who only cares about art and not fefydrama can go watch that one instead.

only... gosh, not that i think of it, what have i even been talking about lately that doesn't have to do with arts?!?!? >:\
hold onn, i needa look over my entries and think about this nonsense

GODAMMIT THIS IS HAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 05:27:53 GMT

I DIDN'T WANT HAM I WANTED TURKEYYYYY

I AM SO DISPLEASED >:CCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 21:11:52 GMT

WOAHHhhh
I totally do not even have as much money as I thought I did.

Errrp. I maybe have to use all the commission money on stuff that is not tablet :C
it's okay though, I kinda totally deserve it.

OR MAYBE I'LL SELL EVERYTHING I OWN, I have more stuff than is even practical to have, when I will be moving like an average of 4 times in the next 4 years, and I don't even have a bedroom at home >:C All my stuff's like lying around in the den/garage/room my dad built.

Goshhh WHAT SHOULD I DO GUYS WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOO maybe I'll sell my bodyyyy shhhh

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:20:22 GMT

MAN, WHEN I GET TABLET RIGHTS BACK, MY ARTS WILL PUNCH YOU ALL IN THE FACE, THEY'LL BE SO GOOD.

I'M GONNA DO TEN THOUSAND OEKAKIS. NO, TEN MILLION.
TEN TRILLION.

JUST YOU WAIT, INTERNET.

speaking of, does anybody have an oekaki they wanna recommend me to? :\ As long as it allows STUFF, I do not care, I don't think I even care if it's dead or not.
I've been eying fearsome, but there's some dong that keeps posting really tactless, critical comments which makes it seem like everyone posts tactless, critical comments and gosh you guys, my ego is so frail.

Also they're, you know, super ultra advanced. THOUGH THEY DON'T MAKE YOU TRY OUT, WHICH IS KOOL. These entries always turn out so much longer than I mean, all I wanted to tell you guys was that my arts was gonna punch you in the face.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:46:19 GMT

I want summertiiimmeee auuuauuuu. This upcoming one promises to be filled with good eats and wonderful musics. I'M LEARNING TO DRIVE THIS SUMEMR LOL FINALLY I don't even remember why I wanted to wait til I turned eighteen anymore. I suspect it had something to do with not having to pay for anything, but that doesn't even matter anymore since mom is making me take lessons and do all that stuff anyway. I'm not cheesed though cause my brother's going to Gally and he's LEAVING HIS MUSTANG WHICH I WILL DRIIIVEE OHOHOHOHOHOOO

I was terrified at first because it is well, a Mustang and I don't even care what car, and my brother like. Would not even let me hold a box of chicken tenders wrapped in a shirt in my lap while we drove, I don't think he'd be happy with his baby sister driving it over curbs and shits, but OH WELL. There's no other cars left for me. And anyway, I'm starting to like the sound of it. What do I drive? Me? Oh, a Mustang, yeah. I drive a Mustang.

.... ..Mustangs are cool, right?

I had to do an in class composition in Spanish today. I usually do really well on those, but I was nervous for some reason today so I like forgot to make an outliiine and then I got my vocab all tangled up and ugh, ugh, awful.
I am trying not to stress out so hard over my classes because everyone I know who is old tells me that they wished they hadn't stressed out so much because it is not even a big deal anymore and now they have wrinkles, but goshhh. I feel like ever since like junior year of high school or something, I've been borderline everything, like if I don't pass this class, I won't have all the credits I need for college and so MY ENTIRE FUTURE rides on this ONE TEST that I absolutely MUST MUST PASS OR ELSE. Gosshhh I just wanna take naaaps. Drive Mustaaangs

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:20:23 GMT

LOL WHY ISN'T ANYBODY ONLINE SO I CAN SQUEE ABOUT THISSSSS SOMEONE JUST LEFT ME A SERIES OF THE NICEST COMMENTS EVER ON ONE OF MY COMICS AND I AM READY TO DIE AND THEN PEE AND THEN DIE.

Jamgry is no more, btw, as you guys prolly maybe already know ): Posting my Jamgry goodbye (FINALLY, i found out i was stopping like weeks ago but I was pretending lol) and the first page of Bulys has been really good, though! Bulys is getting a lot of love, and it's motivating me to get the next few pages done so people will actually have a reason to lovvvve lololololll Gosh, everyone is so nice, I don't even understand.

ALSOOooo
here are some arts, since it's been a while

James a bazillion times. lol I meant to draw different expressions, but he is scowling all the time, so. Actually, that's a lie. I wasn't working on expressions here, I was just working on trying to draw his face the same every single time. I am planning on doing this more, because it's really helpful. I VOW TO DRAW EVERY BULY'S FACE AT LEAST SIXTEEN YES SIXTEEN TIMES. How many bulyfases is that? iunno.

OH and. the boy in the corner with the glasses is Vu's character, Charlie :) I am going to have to replace two of the Jamesbulys, Cory and Dim, because I can no longer use Cory (for the same reason I can't use Jam anymore, actually) and because Dim is. i just. I want to. Charlieeee was meant to replace Cory, but is actually probably not going to because. Cory was already worked really deep into the story, so replacing him should prolly be done by someone who knows the story, which is ME. He is maybe going to replace Dim, though. Mmmmaybee. I would like him too, but I don't know if Charlie can lift picnic tables. You guys would like Charlie, he has a parrot.

Aww. I liked having Dim there, though, did anyone get the reference? Anyone? ANYONE?!?!?!? GOSH I ALMOST WANNA KEEP DIM JUST TO SEE IF ANYONE THROUGHOUT THE DURATION OF THE COMIC GETS THE REFERENCE ok fine I'll tell you, Dim is the name of one of Alex's droogs in A Clockwork Orange. I named him Dim cause in the very first (lol and only) group picture I did of them, James was smiling like Alex. Or he was, anyway, til I colored it in. Noooo Dim is not mutinouss.

P.S. THIS WAS DRAWN IN A BOOK I BOUND MYSELF TEEHEEHEEHEE

Sat, 31 May 2008 21:35:44 GMT

I haaaave been reading that Stephen King On Writing book for fun lately which is lol hilariously embarrassing but oh well. I may have jumped the gun a little with my rant before.
..No, not really. Your pyramid and muses are still stupid, Stephen King >:C

but I'm finding that if I like. read in random order and only one or two parts a day, I can tolerate his constant use of extended metaphors. and his... sex.. talk.. *shudder* And some of what he's saying is good stuff. He agrees with Daniel Handler about how description should be handled, which gives him ten thousand cool points because Daniel Handler is king of the land (lol and king of the fairies, he signed my book Oberon, King of the Fairies I LOVE DANIEL HANDLER OMGGggg I own absolutely everything that has to do with him except for the Basic Eight, which he said himself was not that great anyway, and the 2005 Unfortunate Series Calendar. LONG LIVE LEMONY SNICKETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT)

He also articulated the whole NO PLOT ALLOWED doctrine of Nano better than I ever could (I just think it's boring to write a story over when I already know what's gonna happen >:C it's like inking, I hate inking I ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE), so have this tidbit, you guys who are possibly doing summerNano with me:
"I distrust plot for two reasons: first, because our lives are largely plotless, even when you add in all our reasonable precautions and careful planning; and second, because I believe plotting and the spontaneity of real creation aren't compatible." (pg. 163, if anyone cares)

Good show, Steveypevey, very good show.

..I HAD A DREAM ABOUT LEMONY SNICKET LAST NIGHT, SPEAKING OF, I dreamt I went to the store and discovered that there was a 14th Lemony Snicket book that starred John Locke from Lost for some reason but IT WAS TOO LATE THEY WERE ALL SOLD OUT OF THE HARDCOVER VERSION AND I HAD TO GET HARDCOVER SO IT WOULD MATCH MY COLLECTION. I found one last copy, but my grampa came out of nowhere and tore it in half.
I was more upset about this portion of the dream than this other portion, when some guy raped me and then began roasting marshmellows in the middle of my room.

Thu, 29 May 2008 18:59:29 GMT

I just got back from the critique of my second story, which went waayy better than I expect. The critique went better, I mean.
I will forever until the end of time use my buttsex characters in stories I have to write for class, because hearing a whole bunch of people talking about them irl filled me with SO MANY GIGGLES.

"Why did [Merky] think it was an earthquake, again?"
"...Cause he's stupid?"

ehehehhehehhehHEHHEHH
Here is the story under an LJ cut. It is strange for me to be talking about it when not even a single one of you (except Natasha. uhh. double one of you?!?!?!) has even read it. Even if not very many of you are probably going to read this entire entry anyway.
I am not feeling shy about sharing for some reason either, even though it is a first draft and stupid.

---------------------

Nigel hefted another box onto his shoulder and carted it off down the History section. He set it down onto the carpet, pulled the flaps open, and began piling books into his arms. This is what he did every morning, more or less. He’d open this box, fill in all the holes in the shelves, open up another box, line books up on some other shelf, and on and on until it was time to go home. Sometimes he’d help people find what they were looking for. Other times, he’d ring them up. These were all probably a little easier than carrying boxes full of books, but because of his size and his propensity never to complain, this is what Nigel did.

He paused to roll his sleeves up to his elbows and rub a little more sleep out of his eye. Just a few more hours, and he could go back home. Work wasn’t too hard, anyway. At least he didn’t have to talk to anybody. And it gave him time to think, which was nice.

The sky outside was still darker than the lights inside, that’s how early it still was, though that wasn’t actually saying much. The bookstore Nigel worked at wasn’t one of those tiny, dusty, quaint ones with yellowing lights. His was one of those big ones, all steel, glass, and polished wood. Blinding. Nigel worked the morning shift mostly so he would have time for his second job and partially because no one else would. He didn’t mind. It was quieter in the morning anyway, no one was in the bookstore this early except for Boris and Hannah and all those other employees whose names he couldn’t quite hold onto. Nigel was never very good with people.

He was making thoughts now, mostly about Boston and how the cold weather would probably make his ears go all pink, when Merky appeared from around the side of the shelf. Merky worked the morning shift with Nigel, though he wasn’t sure why. Merky was a night person, Nigel had surmised, if only because nighttime had more alcohol and louder people.

“Too fuckin early,” Merky growled, ruffling his hair. Possessing enough talk to make up for the few inches he was below average, Merky was the reason Nigel was mostly left alone and not entirely.

“Tell me about it.” Though it looked as though Merky knew a little better than he did, as Nigel glanced over Merky’s slack, puffy-eyed face. Merky picked up one of the books Nigel had been placing onto the shelves and sneered at it.

“Boy, is she old or what. Look at this, look how old.”

“I’ve seen, yeah. Pretty old.”

“People should stop putting their pictures on these books after a while. Like when they’re fuckin. Old, like this lady.”

Nigel looked up from the books and saw that not even Merky was paying attention to what he was saying himself. He was looking around, probably trying to hide for as long as he could until the manager caught him with those gnarly manager-claws and got him to go lift something heavy or something.

“Ahh.” Merky’s eyes trained in the direction of Customer Service, his ears no doubt picking up all sorts of manager activity. “…Take it easy, man.” He stuffed the book into a spot where it didn’t belong and disappeared.

Sighing, Nigel tugged the book back out and was just about to replace it when there was a boom and a swell of gasps. Nigel’s eyes were tugged towards the ceiling. Something rumbled, the ceiling cracked, and Nigel fell to his knees, pressing his back against the shelves. He sucked his breath in, his fingers digging into the carpet. Dust and plaster hissed as it fell to the floor.

“What the fuck? What the fuck was that?!” Merky came scrambling around the corner again, half of his inky hair all dusted with white. “Did you hear that?! All this shit fell on my head, look!”

“I don’t-” Nigel froze. Things were sweeping past the glass windows. Wind rushed around the building and thousands of dried leaves were storming up against the window in such numbers that they blocked the outside. There was another crash, accompanied this time with a groan of metal and a tremendous snap. The lights flickered out, and everything went dark. Nothing but people shouting and leaves skittering against the windows. Merky swore some more.

“Holy shit. Holy shit!”

“Merky.”

“Holy shit!”

“Merky, shut up and get down.”

Merky crumpled, but kept his wide eyes turned upwards. Nigel looked up and saw them in the dim light, the enormous cracks in the ceiling. They were round, as if some enormous, angry man in a golden suit had punched the roof of the ceiling and, all things considered, Nigel wasn’t so eager to deny that was the truth.

Another clash of grinding noise followed after and more cracks appeared in the ceiling, spidering outwards from one point above the register. Entire pieces of ceiling cracked loose and fell, shattering against the tiles, and people screamed.

Merky skittered closer, twitching. “What is it, an earthquake?!”

Nigel tried to answer but could only watch the ceiling. His fingers were cold and trembling, and his heart was banging around in his chest in a way that made him slightly dizzy, and he realized that he must be terrified. He couldn’t move his legs. He could picture himself looking wildly around, his face bloodless and blue in the dark. How embarrassing for a guy his size to be terrified of anything at all.

Another crash and the appearance of a third punch wound forced a completely ridiculous notion into his head. It did nothing to bring the color back into his face.

“We’re being walked on,” he said.

“What?” Merky’s hands were pressed to his ears.

“It’s coming towards us.”

“What?!”

“Dude. Nigel, you’re fucking. Not making any sense-“ A slab of plaster exploded on the shelf over their heads and Merky screamed, “Jesus fuck oh my God, we are dead.”

“We’re not gonna die!” They were maybe dead.

“We’re gonna lose our legs then, or some shit, holy, holy fuck.”

Nigel lifted himself up onto bent legs, grabbed Merky’s collar, and jerked him forward, dragging him out from between the shelves and towards the children’s section. He kept his arm over his head, peering up at the ceiling periodically enough so that he run headlong into that tiny coloring table in the children’s section, slamming his shins along the side of it.

“Aangh, Christ-“

Nigel buckled over, dragging Merky with him, and wondered if he was actually really going to die. He really could. One never really could know for sure if Nigel’s last moments would be rolling around on the floor in the children’s section, waiting to be crushed by whatever the fuck was going on up there. More ceiling fell, breaking in half over another shelf and splattering debris, and all Nigel could think about was if he’d ever remembered to make peace with God at all. If he’d ever had the time between lifting boxes at this store and lifting boxes at the other store. Nigel always thought that, in these kinds of situations, he would one of those guys that would be diving into burning buildings, pulling people out from under piles of rubble. It wasn’t because he thought himself much of a hero, it just seemed to make sense that he put other lives before his. It never occurred to him how scary this kind of thing would be, though, how it would lock his limbs up and Merky, of all people, would have to be pulling him off of the ground and dragging him under the table.

No one ever gets a chance to rehearse altruism and so there was Nigel, mashed up against his co-worker under some tiny table watching the ceiling fall down on everybody else.

Merky was talking, but Nigel couldn’t make sense of anything. Light was dancing across the walls. The wind was dying down and the leaves were tumbling away from the windows.

Nigel glanced up at the ceiling. Dust was still spilling from the corners of cracks, and the steel bars from which lights hung were swinging and swinging but. The roaring had stopped. So had the grinding metal.

“Dude are you dead? Nigel, wake up.”

“Hold on.”

“Let’s get the fuck outta here.”

“Merky, you- Just- Look.” Nigel pointed at the windows and Merky fell silent.

The two crouched near the table, watched the leaves die, and waited. Whatever it was, it became evident after some time that it was gone.

The store was shut down. Nigel, Merky, and all the other employees were sent home early, their mouths bribed shut by all kinds of lawyers, and for several weeks while they rebuilt the building, there was no work for anyone.

It reopened a few months later and Nigel went back to lifting boxes and shelving books. Not much later, Merky joined him.

------------------

Some of the things my class caught me on, if you're interested:
-a whole bunch of technical bookstore stuff. Like no one can lift boxes that heavy >:C he'd use a dolly!! Also, Apparently big chain bookstore things don't open that early. buuuu
-No one understood why there needed to be lawyers. In retrospect, neither do I
-Nigel is a robot. I guess all his internal monologue came off as exposition since it was so calm and weird. He could use more work, I agree, class.
-stuff about how come no one else saw, etc etc

Hearing Merky's name out loud was reeeeeally weeeird. So was hearing Nigel's name, even, and Nigel is not even a weird name like Merky. Everyone really seemed to like him, though, which was a pleasant surprise. I was expecting people to be annoyed with how much he swore and/or said 'dude.'

They didn't like the ending. :C neither did I. They gave me a bunch of tips on how to fix it though, so I'll be working on this story some more. maybe. MOST LIKELY. MAYBE. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT MAKING IT A NOVELLLLLL OOUUUU
I've been thinking about writing another novel this summer anyway, just to take up more of my time and also so I can say I've written two novels. And cause I wanna actually revise a novel anddd ssstuff.

Would anyone be interested in doing a summer Nanowrimo sort of thing with me? :000 000

COOOOOOOOOL.
What I am learning about critiques lately is that they do not actually need to be as terrifying as they are to me. Most of the flaws people pick up on are ones that I had spotted myself and just wasn't sure of how to fix it, or parts that writing it was really awkward and I needed help on it anyway (lol my fucking grammar in this sentence). People are not as horrendously tactless about pointing things out as I always expect them to be, either.
I think what I'm saying iiisss that I buuuuu. May actually like critiques after all C:

Fri, 23 May 2008 05:04:53 GMT

HAY HAY GUYS IM HOME RIGHT NOW AND IM USING MY DESKTOP COMPUTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SEVENTY BILION YEARS. MY MOM GOT A BIG FLATSCREEN THING THAT'S BIGGER THAN MY TORSO, PRETTY FUCKIN COOL. ORRRR IT WOULD BE, ANYWAY, IF I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO NOT MAKE IT ALL STRETCHY AND WEIRD >:C

I'M IN FOR AN ACTION PACKED WEEKEND WUUWUBUBBBBBB. THERE ARE A FEW SAD THINGS REGARDING JAMGRY AND OTHER STUFF THAT I WILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL EVENTUALLY I GUESS BUT FOR NOW I UHH I AM UUHHHHHHHH YYYYYYEEEPP LLOLOL. WOOOO

I dunno if I ever told you guys but my mom like. Rented my room out to some student from Taiwan while I was away and now I don't really know where I'm supposed to go when I come back for real in like two weeks ): I suspect I will be sleeping in my sister's office in her house, but... where will all my clothes go? D: I suppose it will just be one of life's biggest mysteries.

HHUUHHU MALLO. I must have been more into Deathnote than I remember, if I drew fanarts for it :00 There was more, but I'm ignoring it all cause it's silly

who the hell

WHO IS THIS

GIANT AESCHYLUS HEAD LOL I drew this for an Acting/Philosophy summer thing I did and like. We were putting on a performance and they were going to project this humongous on some screen in the background for like a thousand minutes and I got so stressed about it, lol, even more stressed than I was about the fact that I had to be King Agammemnon and limp down a trail of blood or something I don't remember who cares.
I used to have nightmares, where I'd be walking around my house and the big, white, unfished sketch of this would follow me around everywhere.

Maybe there shall be more later, who knows. This computer is reallly slow ):

WUT

Tue, 20 May 2008 01:18:40 GMT

YAYAYYAYAYAYYYYYY MY COLLEGE MOVIE CHANNEL THING IS SHOWING SWEENEY TODD
I was just thinking today about how I never got to see the By The Sea scene cause I hadda go pee so bad during the movie ):

Things are going really well. I went stupid during a shopping trip yesterday, as some of you may already know. I will most definitely be posting pictures of the glorious things I have purchased, specially since I might end up selling few of the things I bought to make up for being stupid eeoooeoeoergh

Everyone go see Prince Caspian right now. Right now. Right now. Caspian is checking Peter out the entire time I SWEAR I'M NOT LYING even my non-slashing little cousin saw it!! Though she did start to look at me wierd when I raved about it a little too long :C

I am now about to start writing probably the dumbest piece of fiction of my life, wish me l- no this is a lie. The other day, I suddenly remembered a story I wrote back when I was like 14 and still thought I was a lesbian, it was about like when my brother bought this poster of girls kissing and my mom threw a fit and oohh poor feffyyyy poor fefy what a victim you arrrrree a buuu bubuuuuu wasn't even your poster
This actually makes me feel a lot better. No matter what I write, it will at least be better than my autobiographical pieces of old, in which I was ALWAYS A VICTIM, ALWAYS ALWAYS A VICTIM. I don't regret writing them, though, at least I was writing.

Oh, Mrs. Lovett, you are not a very good saleswoman. Worst pies indeed.

THERE'S ONLY ONE SONG WORTH SINGINNNN

Fri, 16 May 2008 06:40:32 GMT

lord almighty, guys, school is beating me up so bad holy hell, I can't even. Everything. Ughh everything is due tomorrow. Everything, everything, evverything is due. Everything. Everything.
I brought this on myself, I really did. This is the last time I let personal problems render me a useless, self-pitying sack of person that cannot even check her work/school email on a regular basis (this is a lie, lol, it will totally happen again, maybe next week). I have to wonder if something really weird is happening to my brain as a result of the absurd heat and some questionable things I have been doing to my body (it is exactly what you think it is), except that. I've suffered through heat and I've done questionable things before, and anyway I don't usually like to shirk blame onto chemical things unless absolutely necessary, and I don't feel any different on any fundamental level, soo. Yeah I brought this all on myself.

The only everything I'm planning to do tonight is a two page paper on like. Intersectionalities which, in addition to being the longest word that ever was, is like the epitome of concepts that are not actually difficult but become difficult because they have a bunch of long words and ugh ugh. Someone remind me never to take cultural classes every again, because aauuauauu. I always feel like I understand everything on an instinctual level, but can't grasp so many goddamn words all at once. Which is actually pretty much everybody, everybody knows cultural rules I guess, cept for you know, some types of crazy people.
Here's an arts to break up all the words

It's a foot I drew in paint with my touchpad in like zero seconds. Iunno, iunno how it happened either.

Intersectionalities is just like. how socially constructed categories work together to make a society inequal. I thhhhink. I'm like sposed to write a two page paper on an ad or something, I don't even knn nn nn fff fff I just wanna draw pictuuurresss this is awfulll. It says "critical and creative tool of Intersectionality" I don't even know what the hell, how is it a tool? Like an obervational tool? Like a critic- oh lol it. Okay I understand. I guessss sheeesh.

And I still don't know what I'm writing for my stupid, horrible ugh stupid ughh ssstoryyyyyyYYYY WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!?!? No, I know what I'm gonna do, I think I'll be fine on that front. I just. I JUST WANNA DRAW PICTUUURRES

okay. okay I've picked an ad to analyze, I just hope to god that they didn't already do this ad in class because how embarrassing if they did. Apparently I'm going to walk you guys through me writing this entire paper in some giant LJ entry or something, lol no I won't do this. Or maybe I will, who says you guys have to read it. Actually, in fact. If anyone is still reading at this point, fuckin cool, I'll draw you a picture if you want. I sure want. I am having like a million ideas now that I actually can'- NO UGH INTERSECTIONALITIES BVBVBVBBVBV

SO WITH TOOOOOTHPAAAASTE KISSEEESSSS AND LIIIINESSSSS
ILL BE YOURS AND YOU'LL BEEE

edit: I can whistle the guitar thing (or whatever instruments) in the acoustic version of Toothpaste Kisses

edit edit: wait, lol, this is obviously not acoustic. the quieter version, because i am aware that there is a noisier version. WHO CARES FEFY

edit edit EDITTTT: THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I AM HAVING TO WRITE A PAPER ABOUT A WORD THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN EXIST YET. INTERSECTIONALITIES? TECHNOCULTURAL STUDIES?? PSHHHFFFFFTT

Thu, 15 May 2008 19:16:12 GMT

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/05/14/state/n111151D62.DTL
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

II IIHH Hhh

too bad california is too hot for anybody to even have thoughts in right now

Wed, 14 May 2008 14:47:39 GMT

sh-shh-shoebox ;AAAAA;

WHY DOESNT ANYONE LIKE PETERRR I DON GET IIIIIITTTTTTTTT YOU BROUGHT IT ALL ON YOURSELVES YOU STUPID, HORRIBLE MARAUDING PEOPLE ANYWAY guys guys guys what am I gonna write for my story?? cept that I sort of already know. What am I gonna name my characters??? There are three of them, three boys and maybe a girl or two name them name them right now right now name them now

also I guess I'm not going on any camping trip anymore ): buuu

Tue, 13 May 2008 21:19:32 GMT

My textiles teacher grew a mustache >:(
He looks so strange noww wwww ww

Anyway, here are some doodles I did in English today, lol just heads staring around as usual

Cory practice. I think I finally nailed down how I want him to look (the circled one) though lol, I dunno how much good that's gonna do me now. Then Dim, who(m??!?!) I hate drawing cause he reminds me waay too much of my brother, yyeeeww. And then James's giant gorilla face. Note how his jaw is as big if not bigger than his brain cavity. His eyes are all dark cause my eraser was bad and smudgy ):
And then Voldemort. Coooool.

Things are going a little better in general. Some of my relationships have grown a little strained and/or one-sided and I can't seem to help looking at things that stress me out or hurt my feelings (Ima glutton for pain, I know :\ I feel like those who have been dumped and then cant stop looking at their exboy or girlfriendss's myspaces for weeks and weeks would be able to sympathize), but when I focus on other things, I do much, much betterrrr. Part of what's making this so bad is probably some self-fulfilling prophecy on my part, but. There are other things that I can't really explain away as my fault. It's cool though, totally cool.
A bunch of my other relationships have been growing stronger while I wasn't even paying attention. My roomie and her pursuer from across the hall and I are all really close now, for one. We are planning a summer camping trip to the woods, toot toot!

As you can see, he and I are now best buds C: oohhohohohoooo

WOAH A MEME

Sat, 10 May 2008 11:16:05 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your journal and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Hheeehehehehehehee. I'm doing this one partly because I'd like to see it crop up all over my flist. Making up fake memories is fun :}